100 Ways White People Suffer, Too! | Mickey Z.

Mickey Z. -- World News Trust

Oct. 22, 2017

Yes, we are oppressed. Yes, we do suffer. And below is a very incomplete list explaining how and why. As our ancestors who perished aboard the Titanic (#NeverForget) might’ve said, it’s just the tip of the iceberg:

1. Hello? Why do you think they coined the phrase “White Man’s Burden”?
2. Unreliable wi-fi.
3. We have legit nightmares about the barbaric reality of veal crates.
4. The murder of John Lennon.
5. No one respects just how much we’ve taught ourselves about anarchism.
6. Vaccines.
7. Lack of foam on our macchiato.
8. Feeling conflicted after getting a $20 massage from our “local Chinese lady.”
9. Animal experimentation (can you say “more nightmares?”).
10. Slow Seamless deliveries.
11. People of Color automatically assume we’re Coldplay fans (some of us prefer Phish, btw).
12. 9/11.
13. Why can’t I call you dawg? Why?
14. Deforestation.
15. What’s so funny about mayonnaise?
16. False flags: all the damn time and no one will listen.
17. It’s just not true that we can’t handle spices!
18. GMOs.
19. No new Billy Joel album since 1993.
20. JFK assassination.
21. Chemtrails. 
22. So if I happen to only date Asian chicks, somehow that’s a fetish?
23. Running out of shows to binge-watch on Netflix.
24. Having to explain -- time and time again -- that racism existed long before Trump.
25. The rising price of sunscreen.
26. Stop it now. Not all of us loved Seinfeld.
27. We are all one but when I say it, boom… here comes the race card.
28. Ecocide (It’s the big issue, you know? The one that impacts all of us equally).
29. Baristas with a smug attitude. It’s not my fault they gave up on their dreams.
30. Not being able to use the n-word in public anymore.
31. The interminable wait between Game of Thrones seasons.
32. The carriage horse industry (this one even haunts us during the day).
33. SoulCycle is simply way too crowded now.
34. No one wants to talk about how the Irish were once slaves, too.
35. The Illuminati.
36. Our activism groups get called elitist but it’s not our fault if Black and Brown people don’t come to our strategizing meetings.
37. We really miss Occupy.
38. Seriously, folks, can’t anyone at Trader Joe’s come up with a better system to deal with the long lines? No wonder I switched to ordering from Amazon Pantry Prime.
39. Tad is a real name and it’s a nice one, too.
40. Pesticides (but organic is getting so pricey).
41. Golf is just not taken seriously enough as a sport.
42. Sometimes you find out your meal wasn’t really locally grown.
43. Stop it now. Not all of us loved Friends.
44. White guilt is real and lemme tell you, it hurts.
45. Can’t watch a Woody Allen movie without being made to feel guilty.
46. Racist judgments of our dancing/jumping abilities.
47. The accelerated extinction rate.
48. Yoga certification courses are becoming almost too expensive.
49. LEAVE OUR MAN BUNS AND NECKBEARDS ALONE!
50. Now you have to actually buy something at Whole Foods to use their bathrooms.
51. You have no idea how painful it is to hear the term “white trash.”
52. Risk of carpal tunnel syndrome from all our Facebook activism.
53. I wish you’d at least try a casserole before you judge them so harshly.
54. Puppy mills (WE LOSE SO MUCH SLEEP OVER ANIMAL ABUSE!!!).
55. It may not be PC to say it but some white people did get screwed by Affirmative Action.
56. We can’t be “sexy Indians” for Halloween anymore.
57. Did you ever see the line for the bathroom at, like, every single Starbuck’s?
58. Bernie was robbed! 
59. We do not get enough credit for the accomplishments of Anonymous.
60. Stop it now. Not all of us loved Radiohead.
61. Pronouncing and spelling Black people’s names.
62. No matter how much we scream “fuck the police!” we still don’t get arrested.
63. When we become Buddhists, we’re no longer accepted by white Christians but we’re never fully accepted by, um, real Buddhists.
64. Yearly reminders of the sinking of the Titanic.
65. Corporate personhood.
66. There are times when socks and sandals go together.
67. RFK assassination.
68. Fur farms (I wonder why white people even bother trying to sleep at all when we’re literally tormented by such images).
69. Surely the girl who does my pedicure could learn just a few English words, right?
70. The commercialization of Burning Man.
71. Brunch jokes. Enough already. White people have feelings, too, you know.
72. When radical white people are the ones who end up losing a job to an illegal.
73. Slow Uber drivers
74. But jet fuel really can’t melt steel. Look it up!
75. Have you seen the price of almond butter?
76. No one wants to talk about Marx anymore… 
77. Actually, all the B.S. we endure at Starbuck’s could be its own list.
78. Dog fighting (I’m not racist but Michael Vick and his “posse” are evil).
79. Hey, there’s street crime in the suburbs, too!
80. Everything we do gets called “cultural appropriation” now.
81. Honest question: How can I possibly have so much privilege if I’m broke all the time?
82. What even is Kwanzaa? 
83. People never credit Obama for being half-white.
84. The same for Tiger Woods.
85. And Derek Jeter.
86. Orcas in captivity (I mean, did you even see Blackfish?).
87. Stop it now. Not all of us loved Cheers.
88. Fact: Sometimes the salsa is too damn spicy. Why am I so wrong for pointing that out?
89. It just plain sucks that we can’t wear dreads without getting shade for it.
90. Not all white feminists readily throw Women of Color under the bus. Stop generalizing.
91. The growing acidification of the oceans.
92. Nobody respects how color-blind we’ve become. We did the work but don’t get the credit.
93. My dealer got busted and now I have to take a Lyft into a sketchy neighborhood.
94. Gentrification hurts us, too.
95. Never forget: The New World Order impacts everyone. 
96. Reverse racism is a real thing.
97. Industrial civilization is killing the planet and dammit, it makes me so sad.
98. The whole “wypipo” thing was cute for a little while, but now it stings.
99. We keep getting unfairly lumped in with Trump voters. #NotAllWypipo.
100. When People of Color just won’t explain precisely what it is they want us to do in order to be a better ally. How are we supposed to know?

I could go on but I’m utterly wiped out. I really need an organic kale-turmeric-coconut water-wheatgrass smoothie right now. Later, dawg… 

Mickey Z. is the founder of Helping Homeless Women - NYC, offering direct relief to women on the streets of New York City. To help him grow this project, CLICK HERE and make a donation right now. And please spread the word!

100 Ways White People Suffer, Too! by Mickey Z. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Based on a work at https://worldnewstrust.com/100-ways-white-people-suffer-too-mickey-z.